Dream2be

Programmer to Team Leader

"We can not do this proposed project. It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this system. Also, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never take on this type of project!"
Team Leader to Project Manager

Fine

This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (Never use "Fine" to describe how she looks. This will start one of those arguments.)

Five minutes

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

1. A beer gut doesn't make us invisible to the opposite sex.
2. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
3. All movie nudity is female.
4. Bachelor parties kick bridal showers' ass.
5. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. Baywatch!
7. Belches are tolerated.
8. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
9. Chocolate is merely another snack.

Try this simple personnel test.

Take the job applicants and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs.
Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction.

At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in engineering.

If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray, assign them to finance.

One day, a sign appeared in an office window.

It read:
"Help wanted. Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate. Must be bilingual. An equal opportunity employer."

A dog ambling down the street, saw the sign, walked in, and applied for the job.
The office manager said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."
The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."